Relationships, in general, are difficult to maintain. However, when you love someone you go the distance to make it work. You make compromises, you try to not to lose your cool about the small stuff, holding your tongue and choosing your battles.
Which means if you are the neat one in the relationship, you tend to tidy up more than your partner, wife, or husband. My wife often tells me that I am very anal when it comes to organization, to which I reply, “Everything has its place, and should something be removed from that place, it should be returned to its rightful location.” That comment is usually met with rolling of the eyes and an exasperated sigh.
She and I will have been together for ten years and married for eight years this August. And like most couples, we’ve had our disagreements, our ups, and downs, but we always seem to find our way back to each other. But also like most relationships, there is always one subject matter that continues to be a sore subject. For us, that subject is her family and the way that they treat me.
At the beginning of our relationship, their very rude attitude towards me was met with a shrug, because I felt in time they will get to know me and this animosity will pass. But as I mentioned time has passed and nothing really has changed. There are some members of her family that say hello, and others that keep their lips tightly closed. There are even a couple of them in which I have on occasion had a conversation with, but that doesn’t happen often and it when it does, it is only for a few minutes. And it does not happen each and every time I see them. There are only two of her family members who are consistent and genuinely nice to me (one of her sisters and one of her brothers).
While this bothered me to the core, I still continued to frequent the family outings and participate in the gathers, but recently I’ve decided that I will no longer do that. I have decided that I will no longer put myself out there to continuously be treated as if I have leprosy, or like I am the invisible to them.
Where at one time I thought to compromise to please my wife, I no longer have the strength to carry out this particular compromise. For one thing, there are factors, such as that of us being of a different race, that of which most of her family members are Trump supporters and my lack of understanding why–my wife doesn’t understand how their (her family) lack of communicating makes me feel.
In this day and age, you would think that we as a country have come to accept people for who they are, but too many incidents of late tell us differently. Now that I have been schooled as to how some of her family members feel, I just do not see any other solution for his dilemma and I do not feel that this subject matter will ever have a proper solution or compromise–honestly, how does one come back from such a thing?
A famous person once said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” That person was Albert Einstein.
Have you ever noticed that more often in life we tend to take care of everyone else and leave ourselves shortchanged, exhausted and only wanting to take the small amount of time we’ve carved out for ourselves to catch up on things that we neglected?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a selfish self-centered individual. However, I’ve come to realize that by my being there for others and putting my needs, desires, and dreams on the back burner that I am in fact procrastinating. I am going the extra mile for others and using those deeds, as excuses for not doing that which I desire.
Well no more! I mean really, what is the purpose of setting goals if not to work towards them and rewarding oneself with the fruit of thy labor. Isn’t that exactly what I am doing when I extend my services and/or lend a hand to others and don’t at least work on steps towards my own goals?
Going forward, I will continue to carry out acts of kindness and help whenever I can, however, each and every day, I will also work towards my goals as well. For I’ve come to realize that gratitude and change is the only way that I will be able to get to where I want to be.